mega maid
Now that SBC is purchasing AT&T, I think they should look at buying out TWC next. After which, they should change their corporate name to: MEGA MAID.
Can you imagine the combined power of TWC and SBC as the same organization? Such awesome power is almost beyond comprehension. It would be a match maid in the fires of mount gloom. Citizens would be on their knees all over the country, giving thanks (or was that begging for mercy? whatever-it's not important).
I can hear it now. MEGA MAID ... SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!
The reason for this rant is my frustration with these two evil empires. My problem, in a nutshell, would be very small. However, instead of keeping to the confines of a nutshell, the problem scarcely fits in my garage. a) I am playing the TWC/RR bitch... that's right I'm shelling out 55 bucks/mo to suck their cable. b) I want DSL so bad that I'm going to look into running fiber from Seattle, WA to my house soon if SBC doesn't get off their fucking lazy dumb ass no good worthless shitless brainless hopeless communistic delusional fanastically inept triple smacked whack fucked double dip dung heap crap crap crap stupid selves and hook me up to the remote terminal near my house.
So one of two things will happen very soon. (hint: I already know which it is, if you don't know, send me your address and I'll have Bob the Dinosaur pay you a visit. He'll either be there to beat you with a clue stick or to give you a wedgie. Bob is likely to be fresh out of wedgies.)
1) I will cancel my RR service, cancel my SBC phone line, switch to a low-cost alternative local ph service provider and [ab]use my parents speakeasy provided dial-up account.
2) Peace on earth, goodwill towards people, plants and animals. Prejudice becomes obsolete. SBC hooks me up to the Remote Terminal (has fiber connection back to the CO), shortening my loop length, making me eligable for DSL. SBC calls me to @#@#@ {scratch that, they're too fucking stupid.} I call SBC after noticing that their websites say I'm eligable for DSL. They confirm my new shorter loop length as a result of my new Remote Terminal connection. They ask what I would like my username to be on my new SBC-Yahoo stupid POS pppoe dsl connection. I reply: FUCKYOUFUCK, and before they can reply, I slam the phone down on the back so hard that the handset snaps in half and goes flying for miles (landing conveniently in the plastics bin at the recycling center), whilst the rest of the phone is pressed against my desk with such force that the heat generated liquifies the desk top, to the point it is converted into a plasma. I run upstairs to avoid the heat and use my cellphone to call my friends over for the biggest party I or they have ever seen. We party for 13 days straight, after which the Speakeasy provided OneLink DSL line I had ordered on the way up the stairs, after the SBC call, and before the party invites went out, is installed. Speakeasy Voice VOIP is also installed and I cry tears of joy as I draft letters to SBC and TWC using blood from my ear, which I bit with my front teeth in order to use it to write on sheets of my own skin, which I pulled from my back. I am finally free of SBC and finally free of TWC and I never have to deal with those fuckers again. At this moment I attain nirvana, and devote the rest of my life to making my wife happy and ending world hunger and petting nice dogs, in order to increasing wagging, thereby ensuring the continued constant rotation of the earth, and continuation of life as we will then know it.
:) 
